The Single Male Swinger
A little over a year ago, after being divorced for a number of years, and tired of the endless drama associated with traditional eHarmony and match.com on-line dating, I decided to dip my toe back into the lifestyle again. I say again, because decades ago, before children and careers took over, we were a part of the LS. I thought I’d see if I could meet some single females, but what happen blew me away, and changed my life forever.
Only familiar with online lifestyle sites, I went and created profiles on aff.com, sls.com, sdc.com, and Kasidie.com and started my journey. As I have quickly learned since my last time in the LS, these websites are now only a part of the of the online community available for those in the lifestyle. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and others have all started communities.
Spending a fair amount of time in developing a profile that was transparent and inclusive, but also discrete took some time. As did the countless messages that I wrote to the profiles of single females, actively seeking single males and couples. While there were a few nibbles here and there, it did become a bit laborious. What happened next surprised me, and being a bit naive, gave me some pause. Through these websites, I began communicating with couples who were looking to add a third, a single male, to their play. Humbled at first, I started to ponder how this would work. Only familiar, a lifetime ago, with couples, how would a third integrate into a committed relationship, especially as a male. I was clearly thinking about this too much.
As I continued chatting on these sites, Kiking, texting, talking, meeting, and eventually playing with couples, I quickly found my place in the LS. Yes, I have met and have single females as friends in the LS, but being with a couple is something quite unique, close, and in a word, “special”. Meeting couples, on the other hand, can be a job within itself.
For me, I enjoy having the LS as part of my life, but it is not my life. Outside of it, I have a pretty buttoned-down existence. Career, children, and bills. However, having a circle of friends who are likeminded, communicative, and playful, is a great adjunct to my existence. Just like in our vanilla lives, friends have a tendency to come and go. Some you get close with, and some not so much. My “goal”, if you will, is to develop some solid friendships with people in the lifestyle as an addition to my friendships outside of the LS. If it was only that easy.
Since searching through profiles on the above mentioned websites is like ordering through a drive-thru, I thought this would be a simple process. Wrong! As I mentioned, I started with an honest and transparent profile which included photos of me with either my face blurred or hidden. I’d search out single females and couples that had an interest in single males clearly indicated in their profile. If there seemed to be a potential match, I’d send a message, letting them know I was a respectful gentleman, connected my interests to what was mentioned in their information, offered to provide a face pic, or included if required, and asked if they’d be interested in chatting further. If not, no worries, just let me know.
My overall response rate as a single male has been about 5% of my initial communications. That means that out of one hundred messages sent, I’d get only five responses. Of those five, “thanks, but no thanks” replies would be included. Analytical in nature, I knew that this was going to be a long journey, one further impacted by a global pandemic. Has it been worth it, absolutely. I’ve met some great people whom I truly call friends, and have enjoyed some amazing sexual encounters. Will I continue forward, without a doubt.
May I make a suggestion to single females and couples looking for single men, and the single males out in the lifestyle?
Single Males
I would think this would go without saying, but be respectful. I have heard from so many people about the rude and vile messages and images they’ve received from single males. If you can’t be courteous, don’t expect a response. Also, aside from being kind, don’t stalk people and know that “no” means “no”.
Most importantly, if you are looking to connect with someone who’s profile clearly indicates no interest in single males, or if they state “single males, if interested, we’ll contact you”, please don’t bother them. If you don’t see this in one’s profile, you may include in your communication that if the intended recipient is not interested, a quick and simple, “thanks, but no thanks” would be appreciated. For the guys out there who cannot follow societal rules of common decency, you are ruining it for the rest of us.
Single Females and Couples
I know the volume of garbage you receive from single males, and I’m sorry about that. Please know that there are some good guys out here, like myself. If you do not have an interest in single males, please make that most clear in your profile. Hopefully, that will keep some guys away. Also, you may want to include in your profile that you’ll reach out to single males if interested, or something along the lines of; single males, thank you for reaching out, if interested we’ll get back to you. This type of response, or a quick “thanks, but no thanks”, is most appreciated, and lets us know to move along. We just like to know where we stand and don’t want to bother you.
Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog here, and let me know what you think. Comments and questions are much appreciated. I plan on sharing my continuing journey with you all, and look forward to the opportunity to meeting you at an upcoming event. In the meantime, feel free to say, “Hi!”
